July grinds on

 

Hi People!

 First, the News.  Oops, scratch that.  There isn’t any.

 Things remain the same around here.  The old man is slowly slipping away.  Luckily, he doesn’t have the kind of dementia where he no longer recognizes us.  (Yes, I did just knock on wood.)  He eats, sleeps and watches tv.  I’m leaving out the unpleasant parts of life including the toilet.  Most of the time, his existence is fairly serene.  My brother reports occasional periods of angst where he insists he needs to go somewhere and do something – like pick up the kids or go to the store – and it takes him a while to settle down and get back into his routine.  For some reason these episodes typically take place in the evening or later at night.  I’m not complaining about that.

 I mostly sit with my dad and read a book.  He naps in his chair in front of the tv.  I surreptitiously turn down the volume so that it doesn’t distract my reading but at the same time the absence of background noise doesn’t wake him up.  I’ve been plowing through many, many books these last few months.  Happily, the library is just two blocks from Pop’s house. 

 I feel like I should be getting things done.  But, I haven’t.  I leave my dad’s house feeling wrung out even though I’m doing virtually nothing.  It’s emotional exhaustion, I guess.  It’s not the kind that comes from fighting with a jerk (whether a significant other or a family member.)  And, it’s not the kind of heart-rending emotional sorrow I felt when my mom was dying.  It’s just a slow depletion of energy or motivation.  When I come home all I want to do is recover from sitting quietly with my dad. 

 Maybe it’s the relentlessness of it.  It’s an every single day obligation and that doesn’t leave much room for restoration.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sorry to do this for my dad.  I was fortunate to have two wonderful parents and I feel lucky to be able to care for them in the last phases of their lives.  But, there are no days off. 

 I spoke with one of my dad’s brothers the other day.  He was gushing about how wonderful it was that my brother and I were taking care of our dad.  I wanted to say, ‘Wonderful for you since you don’t have to do anything.’ But of course I didn’t. 

 My brother and I are committed to seeing this through to the end.  I don’t know how long that will be, but I am counting on getting my mojo back after the old man is gone.  Fingers crossed, eh?

Springtime and Senescence

 Hello Lovely Internet Friends!

It is Spring and flowers are beginning to show their glorious petals here in the PNW.  I had planned to post some pictures but the crank fell off the aged laptop and it's all too much.  You'll just have to trust me on this one.  Here's what I have seen around these parts:

Camellia, forsythia, snow drops, crocus, daffodil, hellebore, probably some others, and now the cherry blossoms are starting.  Cherry blossoms and plum blossoms which people often confuse, but both are starting to bloom and it's all a delight.

It's still chilly and wet here.  We had a couple of days where temps rose to 60 degrees fahrenheit and everyone rushed outside and basked like lizards.  Then it snowed again.  Oh, just a dusting this time, as opposed to the February storm where they predicted a dusting and we got nearly a foot.  How fun it must be to work as a weather prognosticator.  Do they have special dice, do you think?

I have a new job, of sorts.  It's unpaid and it's every day.  My brother has finally acknowledged that he can't take care of our father all on his own.  He moved in with the old guy several months ago (maybe a year?) but being mostly deaf, he doesn't always hear it when Dad gets up and wanders off.  A month or so ago Dad decided to take a walk early one morning.  He wasn't wearing much - just a t-shirt, boxers, and a blanket.  He made it the end of the block, crossed the street, and took a tumble partway down the next block.  Thank the Goddess for kind neighbors!  They discovered him lying on the sidewalk, brought out a pillow and another blanket, and called 911.

As it happened, I was on the phone with 911 at the same time reporting him missing.  I raced over to the house, picked up my brother, and met the emergency services.  They took him to the hospital to be checked out and amazingly he had no broken bones and no concussion.  He needed a couple of stitches along one eyebrow and the doctor kindly said that he would sew it carefully so that Pop wouldn't be left with a scar.  Lol.  

The tricky thing is that this is the third time that emergency services have had to intervene with our dad. My brother realized that if it continues social services will be called and Dad will be whisked away to a secure facility.  That's not what our dad wants and it's not what we want for him.  We managed to keep our mom at home during her final days and we will do the same with dad.  Fingers crossed.

I've got the day shift.  I go over at 11am when dad is up and having his morning oatmeal.  My brother goes home to his own house and rests and does whatever the heck he does.  I give Dad his lunch, help him to the toilet, chat with him, watch tv with him, and, mostly, watch him sleep.  He sleeps a lot.  That's fine.  He's not much of a conversationalist any more.  His memory is good on ancient history but not good on much else.  Still, he's cheerful and almost always in a good mood.  He remembers who we are.  He's always glad to see us.  It could be much worse.  My brother comes back around 5pm and sorts out dinner and I go home.  

I had thought that this year, post-pandemic, I would finally get around to visiting some friends and relatives.  I had a plan for a big summer car trip circling through the western US with stops at various cousins' houses.  I will have to postpone that trip.  I don't know how long this caretaking gig will last, but I'm in it for the duration.  Well, I'll be taking off a weekend at the end of April to attend the granddaughter's first birthday celebration.  Looking forward to that!

So, that's what's going on around here.  Meanwhile, the sun is breaking through the clouds and it looks like it will be at least partly sunny today.  More rain in the forecast for tomorrow but such is life in this well-watered region.

Have a beautiful day, friends!