No Good Deed

 Hey Women,

I hope you are all alive and vaccinated and still wearing your masks.  Yes, I am all those things and I'm not going to pussyfoot around and pretend that it's ok to be otherwise.  Tired of it!  Yet, despite being tired of it, the virus is still here.  But, enough of that.  Moving on.

So, I just got back from another stint down at my friend's ranch.  Let me tell you about it.

First of all, my two besties and my daughter and I had planned a get together for July of 2020.  Obviously that was postponed.  But, now that we were all vaccinated we decided that it was time for our weekend meet up.  We can't do more than a weekend because Lisa needs dialysis 3 times per week, but a weekend was better than nothing and we were ready for some fun.

The Kid and I drove down to the Bay Area of California together.  Honestly, that was one of the highlights of the trip.  Ten hours in the car with my favorite person in the world!  She lives outside of Seattle, which isn't far from Portland, but we haven't seen each other much in the last 18 months.  Obvs.  So, the weekend started off very well.  She's an excellent travel companion.

We stayed with our friend KA for one night and then went to Capitola for a night at a B&B.  Great fun. Just being together with people that you love is a balm for the soul. We drove up the coast from Capitola to Half Moon Bay and it was glorious.  The fog was hanging over the ocean and it was cool and breezy.  The scenery is that of my childhood and the scents took me back.  Trips to the beach, camping in the woods, eating at quirky coastal restaurants.  It all came flooding back.

We spent another night at KA's house and then Lisa and the Kid had to fly home.  My plan had been to spend the second half of the week at the ranch, visiting the rancher and helping out with chores.  So much for planning, right?

During my weekend with the besties, I got a text from the rancher's friend that she was in the hospital. She's had various health issues over the years so it's not the first time she's landed in the ER.  This sounded like a bowel obstruction.  She's been having increasing difficulty eating and keeping food down but, like so many of us, she hates going to the doctor.

They diagnosed her with constipation and sent her home with laxatives.  As if she hadn't already tried that on her own.  The next day she was back at the hospital and this time was admitted and taken to surgery.  She has some sort of fibrous growth in part of her GI tract.  The surgeon tried removing it laparoscopically and ended up perforating her bowel.  Now she had an abdominal infection, pneumonia, and still a blocked pipe.  She's still in the hospital, two weeks later.  She's just graduated to semi-solid food and while she's keeping it down, nothing is coming out the other end.

Meanwhile, until I arrived at the ranch, a group of her local friends were taking turns feeding the 200 sheep.  I told them to stand down while I was there and they could draw up a new schedule when I had to return home.  I asked my pet sitter how long she could take care of my fine feline and she gave me an extra ten days or so.

So, I'm at the ranch, holding down the fort, wrestling bales of hay and endlessly refilling water troughs in temperatures over 100f.  That's ok.  I knew what I was in for and while I was tired and sore and sweaty I felt good about helping my friend.  

We've been friends for 50 years.  That's a long time. I know all her exes.  I know her whole family.  I've visited her mom in the care home.  I've spent weeks at the ranch helping out.  

Remember a few years ago when I went down and cleaned out the back room?  The hoard of vermin infested rubbish that I spent a couple of weeks sorting through and hauling to the dump trailer?  Remember how grateful she was that it was finally dealt with?  Turns out there's another chapter to that story.  

After I returned home, she and her friend took the load to the dump.  But, they didn't just dump it and go home.  They went through the entire load, opening up trash bags and sifting through boxes to make sure that I didn't throw away anything good.  They pulled out a 40 year old vacuum cleaner and the helper took it home.  Never mind that the rancher has three vacuums - that ancient, heavy, filthy one STILL WORKED!  Then, they tore the lining out of some suitcases and discovered that some dollar bills had been hidden inside.  OMG, SHE'S THROWING AWAY MONEY!

I don't know what all they pulled from the trailer and I don't want to know.  

I texted her not long after I arrived at the ranch to ask where the key to her bedroom was.  There was clean laundry to put away and I was trying to straighten up the living room.  She sent a text to her friend, who happened to be at the house with me at the time, saying 'Don't let her in my room!  I don't want her going through my stuff and throwing it out!'

Well, clearly I had underestimated her hoarding.  I had thought that the hoard in the backroom (and in the mom's room) was all the mom's doing.  Not so.  The hoarding appears to be a generational behavior.  She also hoards food.  Not in the way that you see on tv horror shows, she's not walking on a foot deep layer of spoiled food.  But, she shops at Costco and other bulk purchase places and buys like she's going to be under siege.  When I got to the house, there were boxes and bags of food to put away that were just piled on the kitchen floor.  I did a little purge of the pantry and threw away stuff that was clearly unhealthy to eat.  Rearranged a little in order to get the new groceries in.  I mean, does a household of one person 'need' 50 cans of beans?  There were 20 bags of chips in the house.  Cases of stuff, boxes full of stuff.  

When she sent that text saying to keep me out of her room, that hurt me.  I've only ever done work at the ranch that I was asked to do, asked to help out with.  She wanted the back room cleaned out.  Her mom's room was four feet deep everywhere except for a little square of space between the door and the bed.  It's useable now.  Oh, and the back room?  Not quite the disaster zone it had been previously but it is filling fast.

The real kick in the teeth is that she has told her ranch hand friend, her vet friend, and some young woman who just started working for her on an occasional basis that I had thrown away good stuff, that I was ruining things, that I had forced her to throw away valuable belongings and that I would try to keep doing it.  A lifetime friendship is what is being thrown away, and not by me.

I'm sorry to say that I called her in the hospital and told her that I was upset and that she had hurt me by saying these things.  I told her that I had never felt so unwelcome at anyone's home and especially hers. She said, 'I don't know what the ranch hand has told you but I...' and I said, no, don't blame him.  He's just telling the truth.  Plus, you've said these things to the vet and the youngster.  You've thrown me under the bus.  

I apologized for bringing it up while she was ill and in the hospital.  I said that we would talk about it when she got out and was feeling better.  

I went to see her at the hospital the next day and took the quilt that I had made for her.  She was apathetic about it.  I said, well, I usually get a more enthusiastic response when I give someone a handmade quilt, but I understand that you are sick.  I took it back to the house and left it on her bed.  (Because, yes, I did get the key to the bedroom, I did put her clean laundry in there, and no, I did not touch anything in her room, which has a pathway from the door to the bed.)

So, it's true what they say: No good deed goes unpunished.  I'm still angry and hurt but I'm gaining a little perspective.  I most certainly will not help her with cleaning out her hoard again.  And, I likely won't go back down to help with the sheep.  There are a lot of related issues that I haven't reported here but the bottom line for me is that I need to draw a boundary and enforce it.  I've been a good friend over the decades and in recent years I never counted the lack of reciprocity or the one-sided nature of our exchanges.  I mean, when your friend needs help, you help them, right?  I certainly wasn't keeping score.  But, then when they shit on you, you call a halt to the interaction.  

Now I am home and resting.  My body is aching from the back breaking work but my muscles are starting to ease up.  I'm still waking up at 5:00 am but hope to get to a more normal retired person schedule eventually.  I think I'll go take a walk and let the breeze carry some of my angst away.  Thanks for reading, women!

2021 - Or, So What?

 So, here we are, late in February 2021.  Looks a lot like the previous half year or so.  Well, more people are wearing masks, so that's a good thing.  Some of us are double masking.  Still some idiots who won't wear one.  I wish that damned virus was more selective.

In weather news, we survived that damned storm.  We had snow and ice in alternating layers.  Snow is fine.  Ice is not.  While it's not Texas, we lost power in many parts of my city.  Mine was out for two nights.  My dad and brother also had outages and spent one night here at my house.  I was so glad that I have a gas stove!  There were multiple cups of hot tea, lol.  Some rural parts of the greater metro area  are still without power.

Temperatures are warming, though.  I saw some daffodils starting to come out in a neighbor's yard.  I found the first violet in my yard as I was cleaning up fallen tree branches.  A sign of spring, most welcome.  We've had a lot of rain since the snow/ice storm but there are some sunny days in the forecast.  Good, I'm ready for a little natural vitamin D.

In other news, I managed to get my 85 year old father an appointment for his first covid vaccine.  Hallelujah!  It was no small feat, let me tell you.  Hours spent online and on the phone over multiple days.  It is incredibly difficult.  I don't see how the elderly can be expected to work their way through the (lack of a) system.  My dad wouldn't have been able to do it, not by a long shot.  Even my brother (who is younger than I am) would not have been able.  But, it's done.  And the second dose was scheduled when he received the first, so that's good.  I don't expect to be eligible for one until April or May unless supply ramps up considerably.  How about you all?  Have you been vaccinated or at least been able to make an appointment?

My friend Lisa is fully vaccinated and I am very grateful for that.  She was far too vulnerable.  She said that she really feels like a weight of fear has been lifted.  She is still being very cautious, of course, but now feels like it is ok to go to the grocery store (masked) instead of getting everything delivered.  

In more mundane news, T has found a new girlfriend.  I think this one might be good!  She lives in Oregon, which is a relief as they can drive to see each other on the weekends.  She is gainfully employed, a big plus.  So far it doesn't seem like she has a lot of baggage.  I haven't met her yet but I am very hopeful.  T is happy and that's the best thing.  Also, she has stopped calling me every morning and that is the second best thing.  Lol.

As someone who craves solitude, the pandemic has perhaps been easier for me than others.  But I am growing restless.  I want to visit my daughter, or have her visit me.  I want to see my friends, and hug them.  I want to go out for a burger and tots with my neighbor.  I want to take a road trip to see my cousins.  I love my house, my yard, my neighborhood but... I am ready to see something else.  Some days the depression takes hold and I can't even read a book.  I can't even play solitaire on my phone.  I just sit and stare out the window and try not to think.  Ugh.  Those days are dark.  I know that I should get up and take a walk when I feel like that, but nothing could be harder.  Still, the daylight increases and, Goddess willing, my mood will lighten.  

In a moment of hopefulness, I bought a day-use parking pass to the Oregon State Park system.  When this drenching rain lets up, I will force myself to go outside and hike (or at least walk!) in this beautiful place I call home.  If the weather reporters are right, that could be next week.  Fingers crossed!

Stay strong, women!  Someday this epoch will end.

December, at last

 It wasn't a sure thing, but we've made it to December.  I'd cheer, but nothing is over yet, not this terrible year, not the terrible pandemic, not the terrible political situation, ETC!  Still, it's December and it feels as if we might make it through.  Somehow.

Ok, that sounds dire.  But, it all feels kind of dire, doesn't it?  You'll get no Pollyanna sentiments from me this time.  

In November, I spent two more weeks down in the Southland rendering aid to my buddy.  She had to go in for yet another surgery.  Talk about a rough year.  Fingers crossed that her health status is stable for a while.  She needs to get her strength back so that she can have a transplant.  

I'm not much in the mood for the winter holiday.  There is just one week left until the Solstice.  I put up some of the seasonal decorations, more out of a feeling of determination rather than cheerful excitement.  I guess it's my 'Fuck you, Virus! You can't take this away from me!' moment.  

Still, a vaccine is coming.  A new president is coming.  There may be other good things on the horizon.  I'm trying to hold the good thought, no matter how difficult.  It's a challenge!

Stay healthy, friends!  Stay in your bubbles, wear your masks, wash your hands.  Strength, resilience, and sheer determination will get us through.  That, and science.

Friends Outdoors

 Hello Women!

My friend Angela invited me over this last weekend to test out her new outdoor socializing set up.  It was a chilly and windy day here in the Rose City.  We have gotten together at her place a couple of times during the pandemic.  Outside, under the awning, spread apart by well over 6 feet.  A couple of times I have gone over for a game of dice and we sit on diagonally opposite corners of her patio table.  It feels reasonably safe, I hope we are not disillusioned!  

So, Saturday.  The temperature was in the low 40's and the wind was gusting heartily.  I know that those of you from the Great White North would scoff at these conditions, but we are delicate flowers!  I bundled up for outdoor weather which meant adding more layers to my indoor bundlage.  Long sleeve t-shirt, hoodie, puffy coat, scarf, hat.  (My indoor layers are the same minus the scarf and puffy coat.)  Jeans, thick socks, shoes.  I didn't put on any long johns this time but I might in the future.

Angela has purchased a table top outdoor heather (infrared, not propane) and it served well to keep our face and hands warm.  She also purchased a heater to go under the table to keep the legs warm.  In addition, she bought a pair of heated throw blankets.  It's a lot of gear, but it worked!  We also cups of hot tea which warm the insides and the hands.  We were able to sit comfortably outside for a couple of hours.  We sat and talked and played two rounds of farkle.  Good to know that we can still safely get together despite the virus and the weather.  At least, until the weather gets significantly worse... which it will!  This is more of a fall and spring accommodation.  

I hope you are all finding ways to connect with friends or far-flung family.  I tend to be something of a hermit anyway, but there's a difference between choosing to be alone and not having the choice.

Cheers, m'dears!

Home and Away

 Hello Women,

I was home for a couple of weeks but now I'm back in SoCal.  Lisa is getting better but still not able to manage some daily living tasks.  I devoutly hope that she recovers enough in the next 3 weeks that I will be able to go home and not turn right back around.  

While I was home, we had a very scary interlude with forest fire.  Ugh, the city was filled with acrid smoke that stuck around for far too long.  The fires were too close for comfort.  My cousin's daughter, son-in-law, three kids, two dogs and a cat were evacuated and moved in with the cousin.  Nice that they had a place to go but scary!

My poor state and beautiful forests!  So much destruction, so much death and despair.  Some people have lost everything and we have all lost a precious treasure.  Same story in California.  It's horrible.  

Oregon is getting some rain, which is so desperately needed.  California hasn't gotten a drop. It all feels so dire.  But, the whole country, indeed, the whole world, feels so dire right now.  This downward slide is getting steeper.  Is this how it all ends?  In firestorms and flooding, under the control of dictators and fascists?  What a terrible thought.

I'm struggling to find the good these days.  My country is a toxic mess.  The pandemic runs rampant here, virtually unrestrained.  I won't mention politics because ... it's beyond bad.  I'm sorry that this sounds depressing.  It is depressing.

I guess I'll just have to consider myself lucky to be able to spend time with my lifelong pal.  No, it's not quality time, but it's a lot of hanging out together and I'll count that as a plus.

Spring 2020

Hey!  How about that Pandemic!

We are still sheltering in place here in the Rose City.  I've lost track of how long it has been.  Since sometime in March and this is the 3rd of May.  Can't be bothered to do the math. 

For a retired homebody, the stay at home order has made minimal difference in my life.  True, I haven't seen friends or gone anywhere but the grocery store, but still... I can't complain.  In fact, it has alleviated the need to make excuses for not going out.  Lol. 

The biggest thing I miss is my public library.  I bought a couple of books early on in the lockdown.  One I had planned to purchase anyway since it was written by a friend.  The Royal Abduls by Ramiza Koya.  So proud of her!  So amazing to have a novel published!  The other one was the third book of a series that I was reading.  I had book #2 from the library and had to finish the series.  (The All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness.)  Now I'm just trying to read from my own shelves.

I was texting with a friend last week, asking her how out of control her hair had gotten.  This friend is very butchy and gets her hair cut every three weeks.  She was going nuts!  She couldn't stand it any more and bought a hair clipper and did it herself.  It doesn't look half bad! That gave me the courage to try it myself.  I watched a video (some fashionable young Canadian man, to judge by the accent) and he made it look if not easy, at least doable. 

Here's the thing, I only have dog clippers.  The University of YouTube* assured me that it's ok to use dog clippers on humans as opposed to the opposite.  So, I rummaged around until I found them (my old dog with longish hair shuffled off this mortal coil several years ago and I haven't used the darned things since.)  Step one was to take some steel wool to the blades to get the rust off. 

Anyway, I did it and while it's far from perfect, it feels a whole lot better!  Here are some pix:

This is the before picture.  My hair looks like a thatched roof!

So much better!  I need to decrease the length of the top but I'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out.  And, really, it's only hair and mine grows fast.  I hope you are entertained by this saga! 

Other than my hair drama, I haven't done much of anything.  A little quilting.  Made a bunch of masks and gave them to friends and family.  Still working on a rug for my neighbor.  Just the usual pastimes of my old fart self.

So, tell me, what are you doing during these strange times?

* One of The Rancher's part time helpers has named it this and it makes me laugh.  :^)