Update from PDX

What do I have to say that is of interest?  Little, as usual.  But, a survey of events since last I posted reveals that I am overdue on communication.

So, how was the trip to Cali?  Good.

Lisa, my bestie from the first day of high school, the one who needs a kidney, the one we went to celebrate the birthdays with in April, is doing much, much better.  I was so relieved when I saw her!  She didn’t have her old energy – but, who among us does?  But, she was so much healthier than when we last saw her… quite the relief!  The dialysis is definitely working!

She still teaches at the really rough high school, and it is just so draining.  I worry about her all the time.   The kids are so bad.  The administration is so bad (but maybe a tiny bit better than last year).  Hell, southern California is bad.  It’s unhealthy, I believe.  It’s so dirty.  And so crowded.  So hot.  And so stressful. But, maybe that’s just me.  Anyway, I wish Lisa didn’t have to keep exhausting herself on a daily basis.

But, that’s my worry.  Let’s move on to other things.

This coming weekend I will be assisting in a Women’s Self Defense class at my martial art school.  A little background:  Besides being a black belt, I completed the training to instruct women’s and children’s self defense classes.  I worked at that in my limited spare time for a while.  But, then my mom got sick, and then she transitioned to another plane, and my energetic focus has been directed elsewhere since then.  One of my teammates is taking over the self defense program and asked me if I was interested in assisting once a month or so.  I pondered this a fair bit.  And, I decided that, yes, I was interested in going back to teach self defense.  The time is right…  sadly, the time is always right for teaching self defense.

Did I tell you about my niece moving to Portland?  Well, she did, and she is absolutely delightful.  She is smart, funny, quirky, studious, sweet, sincere.  She is a great kid!  She’s living at my dad’s house, which is great for both of them.  They are keeping an eye on each other.  Lol.  I’m trying to find the balance between helping out when and where I am needed and not interfering!  Hahahahhaha….  Actually, I’ve been pretty good at not overwhelming her.  Which makes me wonder if I should be in touch more…

One of the cats needed a trip to the vet and a ridiculous vet bill. Of course, it was the best kitty.  Couldn’t be the jerk who pees in the house, no, it had to be the most loving and affectionate of the cats.  The one for whom we are willing to spend beyond our budget.  Sigh.

We had a massive storm last weekend, but it wasn’t nearly as traumatic as the prognosticators thought it would be.  Glad of that!  Still, I did have water in my basement and there are branches down everywhere.  If it’s headed your way, it’s a wet one.

Well, I guess that’s all for now.  I hope things are humming along on a good track for the rest of you!

A Random Thursday in February

Good morning!

It’s Thursday so I thought I would dash off a quick post.  What quick posts and Thursdays have to do with each other, I don’t know.  Good thing this doesn’t have to make sense!

So, it’s pouring down rain, as usual.  I’m only mentioning that so that those of you to the east of me will know that more storms are coming.  Sorry about that.  It’s been a wet winter, that’s for sure. 

What’s going on around here, in a non-meteorological way?  Well, let’s see…

Last weekend T went to Las Vegas with her sister and mother.  I think they had a good time but it’s hard to tell because she came home very cranky.  It was the first time in a decade that their mom had been anywhere outside the local area.  The daughters felt pretty good about getting that to happen.  And then they badgered her to stop playing the slot machines and go for a walk, of all things.  Ha!  She was determined to win back all of her nickels!  As I said, I think they had a good time…

In the further travel adventures of T, she and her sister will be heading to Hawaii for a week this month.  Fun!  Her sister won a trip for two through her work and is taking her little sister.  I think that’s pretty nice.  I hope they have a wonderful time and that T doesn’t come home cranky this time.  Lol. 

So, what do I do when the partner is away?  Enjoy the quiet!  It’s a break from the tv, which I need so much.  I did go to a friend’s house on Saturday for dinner and socializing.  That was pleasant.  I also got a bunch of stuff done around the house that I’d been meaning to get to, and that was satisfying.  I’m starting to plan some things for her next trip, too.

On the work front, I’ve got 1 year, 4 months, 3 weeks and two days to go until I retire.  Woo hoo!  I won’t bore you with the work argy-bargy… suffice it to say that it’s work and it’s tiresome.

I don’t know if any of you are planning to watch the big football game this weekend.  Ordinarily I would be excited for that.  This year I dislike both teams and can’t bring myself to care.  Well, I hope that Denver wins because I really don’t like the quarterback for Carolina.  But, I’m not keen on Denver, either, so…  it’s a big ‘who cares’ for me.  I think we’ll go for a hike instead.  (Weather depending)

I feel like there’s no other good news to report.  I don’t want to start the day with negativity, so I’ll keep all of the bullshit to myself.  Have a great Thursday, everyone!

Pause

I took the day off today.

I worked out this morning.  T and I had our therapy session.  After our appointment, as I was riding my bike to work and I just said "To hell with it!  I'm going home."

So, here I am.  I have a lot on my mind.  I am waiting to hear from my parents after the meeting with the doctors.  I am at loose ends, in limbo, on tenterhooks.  I am no fit company for anyone, and didn't want to spend the day pretending at work.

If you feel like it, email me.  I've got the time to respond.

AND (super important!): Thank you so much for your good thoughts, intentions and prayers for my mom.  I know it helps!

xoxox
e

Catching up with Bullets!

•          Happy New Year!  The resolution?  Just like everyone else… lose weight.  We are trying some new strategies this time, though.  One should help: we’ve stopped drinking.  We are not drinking alcohol for one month and, when February rolls around we will limit ourselves to weekends only.  Sigh.  Talk about a sacrifice!

•          Besides needing to lose weight and detox, I am also resolving to call my friends more often.  My two best friends live in California and I miss them a lot.  The phone is a poor substitute but it will have to do.

•          Changing up my teaching schedule.  I have been teaching kids classes two evenings a week and starting in February I’m going to be teaching a women’s self defense class one afternoon a week.  Much as I love the kids, I’m looking forward to the change.

•          Changing up my work schedule.  My department is undergoing some changes in leadership and I am going to switch from working the early day shift to the “white man” hours, ie: more like 8:00 to 5:00.  I am going to position myself to take my manager’s job because, for one thing, I already do the majority of it, and for another thing, he’s a putz and a useless one at that.  It will take a fair amount of strategy but I’ve developed some skill in that arena.  Wish me luck!

•          Also pursuant to the job strategy: new shoes.  And clothes.  But, I hate shopping and I’m not buying any clothes until I shed some weight.  But, I do need some office shoes.  Athletic shoes just don’t send the same message.

•          Hair cut!  For some damned reason I decided to grow out my hair, and specifically my bangs this past year.  They are just now to the point where I can tuck them behind my ears so I am almost there.  But, I realized that I now have the same haircut as my mom and much as I love her, I don’t want to look like her!  I browsed through some awesome styles at dykehaircuts.tumblr.com and I have an appointment on Monday to chop it all off.  Nothing too dramatic; I don't want to scare the administration.

·         Other than that, my goal for the New Year is to keep doing what I’m doing and love life and the people around me.  How about you?  Goals, resolutions, dreams?

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Of no importance whatsoever

I don't care which way the toilet paper goes on the holder: over or under, doesn't matter to me.  What bugs me is when the last square or two of tp doesn't come off the cardboard tube neatly.  Now, that is irritating.

I swear I thought I saw...

a squirrel riding a raft down the Willamette River yesterday. A little raft, just a squirrel sized raft. No paddle, no sail, just a couple of pieces of wood lashed together.

I wonder; where was he going?

Random

I had a dream last night, or rather very early this morning. It was quite vivid, cinematic. It began suddenly, as if I dropped into a dream that was already happening, or into someone else’s dream.

In the dream, Zoe and I were driving. Well, Zoe was driving and I dropped into the passenger seat. It was dusk, and night was quickly darkening the sky. We were in the wide open west, traveling across a vast valley with dark mountains towering in the distance.

As we drove, lights came on in clusters far away from the highway. We were headed to a mountain pass through which we could just see the fading light of sunset. There was a sense of urgency in our journey, but where we were going I can’t say.

We approached the pass. Lights from houses were visible but did not illuminate their surroundings. They served as decorations to the highway, sparkling signposts with no direction. We began the climb to the summit. I could hear the engine and feel the vibration shift in the car. We wound back and forth across the face of the slope, nearer and nearer to the top.

I don’t know what was beyond the pass because, as it often happens in dreams, I awoke before reaching either the top or a conclusion. While it’s frustrating not to see the end of a story, I felt good about the dream. I felt as if I had spent time with Zoe. Her presence is so familiar, her energy so constant and reliable.

Zoe has a remarkable ability to direct her dreams. I am going to try to do so tonight, so that I can see where we are headed. I mean that literally and metaphorically. I want so much for my daughter; sometimes it seems that I want more for her than she does.

Her happiness is important to me. I realize that at age 25 her life is hers to manage. Oh! If only I had a magic wand and the perfect spells to cast! The things I would change! Voila, no more bad boyfriend! Poof, back in the Pacific Northwest! Zap, back in college!

One of the hardest things about being a parent is letting go. I've had to do so and there have been agonizing times to live through. My life is no success story which gives me the experience to say, "You don't need to go through this." But, apparently, there are lessons that must be learned first hand and slowly (painfully so from my perspective).

I miss my daughter every single day.