Bit my tongue

So, yes, the Kid left yesterday.  I miss her fiercely.

When T got home from picking up the niece, and they walked in the door, it was all I could do to keep from saying: "Why are you people still here?"

I managed to keep that to myself.  Just barely, but I behaved.  They are trying to be extra nice to me, which I appreciate, but there is no filling of that void with empty words and nice behaviour.

I'll get over it.  I always do.  And, this time I really have something to look forward to: the relocation of the Kid to Portland!  That's what I've got and I'm going with it.

I haz a sad...

I know I should be grateful, and I am.  April was the best month I’ve had in a long time.  My daughter was here for 5 weeks and it was fantastic.  It just felt so right to have her back.

But, tomorrow she is leaving.  She is driving back to Des Moines.  I can already feel ‘the sad’ creeping up on me.  This afternoon I will help her gather up all of her stuff, load some of it into the car, and spend some time just being around her.  Tomorrow we will have breakfast together, finish loading the car, and wave goodbye.  Yes, we will both cry. 

She is planning on moving back to Portland in the next year.  I’m holding on to that thought.

I think I did the right thing...

I think I did the right thing today.  I’m pretty sure I did.  I feel a little ambivalent about it though.

Earlier this year, I decided to initiate some changes at my place of employment.  My goal was to oust my almost non-existent manager and take his place.  I am the second in command in our group, after this manager whom we share with another department. 

Today I met with our accountant and one of the other women in the group.  I recommended this other woman for management over myself.  I believe that she will do a better job than I.  I have a definite skill set, and am really quite good at the things I do, but I think M will make a better manager.  Not in the people skills area, because I excel at that, but on the business side of the business.  M has great skills in things like contract negotiation, super attention to detail, organization and coordination of effort… you know, businessy business.  I’m better at people and words and schmoozing.  And, she will need me to schmooze this position into existence.

The other part of the equation is related to time and age.  M is younger than I am, by at least 15 years.  Add to that the fact that I intend to retire* in three years, and I’d rather have her jump through the hoops.  I will help her in any way I can, and will put my effort into helping her create the position, but after considerable consideration I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want the job.

The ambivalence comes in, I guess, because I have been doing the job of the manager for quite a few years and have not been adequately compensated for it.  I have spent a lot of time and energy making our department better.  I have assembled a team of outstanding employees.  I have eliminated redundancies, streamlined processes, fitted the right person with the right tasks, and generally kept things both efficient and serene.  I’ve been the manager.  I’ve just never been paid to be the manager.  I would have liked to have had the salary.

Overall, I believe that it is the right decision.

*I say 'retire' but in fact it will be a big shift.  I’ll be 55, I’ll have 20 years into the retirement system, but I won’t get enough money to live on.  I’ll have to continue to work but I am looking forward to doing some work that interests me, and preferably part time.  The funny thing is, yesterday, in the early morning fitness class that I take, the head of my martial art school, upon hearing that I would retire in three years, said that she would love to hire me to be her administrator.  So, already things are realigning to this new idea.  

That makes me happy.

Update from the Rose City!

Wow!  What a crazy couple of weeks it has been! 

When last I wrote to you all, we had just returned from the Twilight pilgrimage where a good time was had by our quirky, blended family.  We had barely gotten the sand shaken out of our shoes and shorts when something so amazing and wonderful happened that I am still stunned. 

My daughter called two or three days after she got back to Iowa.  She said that she realized how much she missed living in Portland.  She missed her family and friends, she missed mountains and forests and the ocean, she missed the funky vibe of the city.  She asked if she could come back and stay for a month or so.

Yes, that’s right.  She wants to come back!  She asked me if she could stay with us for a month or two.  Ha!  I told her that she never has to ask, this is her home and she is welcome in it whenever she chooses to stay.  She insisted that I ask T if it was alright, which I did, and of course it was.

So, at first she was going to come back in a couple of weeks.  Then it was right after the boyfriend’s birthday.  Then it was the following weekend.  In the end, she left within a week of calling me.  She decided to drive out.  I offered to fly out and drive with her, but she wanted to do it on her own.  Well, I understand that.  A long solo car trip is a rite of passage, especially out here in the wide open west.  She wanted to have her car here when she arrived, and wanted to bring some of her things that would cost too much to ship.  She brought both her lap top and desk top computers.  And, more than that, she brought her cat.  Yes, let that sink in for a moment ~ she brought her cat.

Now, she has assured me that she and the boyfriend are not breaking up or separating.  Pity.  But, she has definitely matured in their relationship and is no longer doing everything his way.  We have had some long (and short) chats about that.  She told him that she is moving back to Portland with or without him and he needs to get on board.  I am so relieved to see her regain her sense of self and her stubbornness and her will.  She’s got all that, and it’s time to let it shine.

So, the last couple of weeks I’ve had my kid back.  Heaven!  This also means that we have a full house and lots going on.  It wasn’t too long ago that I was living alone in relative silence.  Sometimes, it’s true, I miss that quiet bookish existence, but mostly I am pretty darned happy.

Right now, the boyfriend is visiting.  It was Zoe’s birthday on Tuesday (27!) and he came out for a few days.  They are staying at a hotel.  Zoe told him that he needed to leave by Saturday since my birthday is Sunday (52!).  All in all, this spring is shaping up to be a pretty happy one.

I’ve got lots more to tell you, but so little time to write it down.  I’ll keep at it though, because I know that you all are on Pins And Needles waiting to hear how this saga plays out!  :-)

The Trip to Vampire/Werewolf Country

We made it safely back from Forks and LaPush!  Nobody was bitten!

Sunset at La Push.

Just to recap, we left Portland around noon on Friday.  Drove through Forks, since we were staying in La Push, and arrived at the beach around 5ish.  Checked into the hotel, ran around like lunatics on the beach, looked for somewhere to eat in La Push and ended up driving back to Forks for dinner.

Same view, in the morning.  Right off our balcony.

On Saturday we spent a couple of hours checking out all of the Twilight locations.  The rest of the day was spent shopping for Twilight crap.  Oh, jeez!  We’ve got t-shirts and coffee cups, and dog tags, and shorts, and pens, and shot glasses, and, and, and…  What can I say?  It was fun and we were supporting the local economy.

Here's a picture of the niece having a pretty awesome time!

Saturday night we had a wonderful bonfire on the beach.  The rain held off until we had burned both bundles of firewood and a stack of driftwood.  By then it was approaching midnight so we didn’t mind.

We collected too many pounds of beautiful rocks and spectacular chunks of wave sculpted wood.  The hotel was great; a two bedroom suite with a big deck and the only thing between us and the surf was driftwood.  There is some massive driftwood in Northern Washington! 

 Yeah, that's me standing on the root end of this log.  Amazing!  Here are some pix from the other end:

That's Zoe.  And here's one of me:

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend.  We all had a fantastic time, everyone got along splendidly.  When we got home, all the pets were in fine fettle (ok, the cats were mad for a little while, but that’s to be expected.)

Here's a picture of my adorable gf, in her senior portrait pose...  :-)

She's pretty darned cute!

I would definitely recommend this trip to any Twilight fan.  We had a wonderful time!  We do have some suggestions for the Forks chamber of commerce, though.  They could be doing so much more!

And, last but not least, here's a picture of what it looks like to be riding on the back of your favorite mythical creature:

They go fast!

I'm still here!

Dear Blog Friends,

I’ve been neglecting you.  I’m sorry!  It’s not that I don’t think of you, I do, and frequently.  It’s just that for the past month or so everything that came out of these fingertips was so negative that I grew weary with myself.  I chose not to bore you with my whining.  And, what did that leave me with?  Right.  Not a lot.  I’m working on that.  Working on having a better attitude, on finding some good in what I do, on seeing that damned glass as half full (or completely full!), you know, trying to put a little positive energy into my life.  So, I’ll keep working on that, but in the meantime I do have something fun to report.

On Thursday night my daughter arrives in town.  Yay!  That’s always good.  On Friday at noon we are heading out for an adventure.  Yay!

Me, T, Zoe and Angela are going on a weekend trip to Forks, Washington.  It’s the home of the vampires from the Twilight books and movies.  Personally, I don’t give a hoot about the damn books or movies, but our girls are excited about it and it’s just fun to get away.  We are going to stop at all of the marked destinations and take plenty of photographs.  We will be staying in La Push, home of the werewolves, mostly because the hotels (both of them) in Forks didn’t look all that great.  Also, this way we get a beach weekend out of the trip too!  Bonus!

Of course, a beach weekend is wonderful but we are just the tiniest bit worried about more tsunami action and radioactive fallout.  But, hell, what’s the sense in worrying?  We’ll be breathing the fallout regardless and if there’s another tsunami, well, at least we’ll be in the front row.  All kidding aside, I think it’s safe.  (And, please don't think I am being insensitive about Japan.  I have been in touch with my Japanese friends and have sent the most needed thing - money.)

So, next week I may even be able to post some pictures of us having fun.  About time!

The Best Valentine's Day Ever

Several years ago, when my daughter and my best friend lived with me, we three single gals had a spontaneous and wonderful Valentine’s Day. 

Often, Valentine’s Day (or VD as we like to call it), can have a sour note for the singletons.  Nobody to shower all of that love and affection on, nobody to shower you back.  But, it doesn’t have to be that way!

Instead of pissing and moaning, we three decided ~ independently of each other ~ to spread a little VD love around our household.  When we were all three home from work and school, Lisa said, “I have a little something for you girls.”  At which point Zoe and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised, and said, “Hang on, me too!”

We all trotted upstairs and came down with our offerings.  It was better than the Gift of the Magi! 

Lisa bought each of us a heart-shaped pin; three of them, all matching.  Zoe bought each of us a small, heart-shaped box of chocolates.  I bought each of us a bouquet of flowers.  We arrived back in the living room and laughed and laughed.  Each of us had candy, flowers and jewelry! 

We may have been short of lovers that year, but we weren’t short of love.

Question for you bloggers

Does your partner/girlfriend/wife/significant other read your blog?  Does she (he) know about your blog?  How do you handle that?

I have two blogs.  This one, where I bitch talk about my gf and our relationship, our crazy families, my doubts and occasional delights.  The other blog is for my family and friends that I know in RL.  It's less gay and more topical to Portland.  Although, I have plenty of gay friends and readers on that blog as well.  It's not a gay vs not gay thing, ok!  It's really just a matter of spilling my guts to you all in a way that I can't to my family and friends.  They would probably all hate me or hate my gf.  Gah!  Complicated!

So, how do other people handle that?  Do you let your s.o. read your stuff and just shrug it off?  Of course, many of you never have a cross word to say about your lovers, and how great for you, so it wouldn't matter if she read your blog.  But, for those of you who are in a similar situation to mine, what do you do?

One funny thing is that I can hardly get T to read my family blog.  So, really, I shouldn't be worried!  Right?

Here's the link to my family blog.  Feel free to read and comment or ignore.  I don't know why I am stressing about this.  Do I feel ... deceitful?  Sneaky?  Less than open?  I guess I am.  Does it matter?  Am I overanalyzing?  Probably.  Sigh.  Anyway...

www.pdxreport.blogspot.com

Well, that explains a lot!

I did drink a lot of Ovaltine as a kid...

Sometimes I make myself laugh...

I was on the bus early this morning and somewhere along 5th Avenue downtown I looked up and saw Mt Hood perfectly silhouetted between two apartment towers.  The sun was coming up behind the mountain and the sky was just starting to glow pink.

I got out my phone to take a quick picture to share with you:

Yeah, that's right.  Pointed the damn thing the wrong way and took a picture of myself and another random bus rider on the Number 8!

Go ahead and laugh!  It's funny!  I was laughing; still am.


:-)