29 October 2010

Equal time

Lately I have been complaining about my girlfriend and her issues around jealousy. In the interest of fairness I have to say that I have my own issues that drive her crazy.

I’m really struggling.

The big one for me is communication. Specifically, I don’t call and let her know where I am and when I am coming home. I have been working on this one and doing better ~ until last night.

I taught my usual two classes and afterwards went to our other school to watch and participate in a test. A couple of my favorite teammates were testing for their next rank and I wanted to be there. I had told T that I would be doing this. Apparently, I also told her that I would call her on my way to the other school. I don’t remember saying that, but I could have. I also told her, and I do remember this, that I would stay for about an hour at the test.

Well, it didn’t work out that way. I stayed much longer. And, the bad thing is, I never called. I didn’t call on the way there; I didn’t call when I got there; I didn’t call to say I would be staying later.

It’s very inconsiderate behavior. I know that. It’s not intentional on my part. I just didn’t think about it. There are no clocks in the training hall during a test, so I didn’t have that visual reminder of time slipping away, but I should have realized how much later it was getting.

I’m not sure why this is such a struggle for me. I like think it’s a couple of things. One, I was not in a committed relationship for many years and I haven’t had to check in with anyone. And, two, I hate the feeling of being on a leash.

These explanations don’t really work all that well, though. For one thing, T and I have been together for nearly three years and you’d think I’d be somewhat used to it by now. And the leash thing? Yeah, she’s not saying don’t go, she’s just saying let me know. That’s not unreasonable.

So, I don’t know why this is such a huge stumbling block for me. It’s come up in our counseling sessions before and trust me, it will again… we have an appointment tonight so I’ll have to go over it all in detail. Now, there’s something to look forward to. I hope that we can talk about it and get it over with and get on with the rest of the weekend. One good thing about T is that she doesn’t hold onto that kind of negative feeling very long. Here’s hoping!

18 October 2010

What a weekend

Some weekends make one glad to go back to work. This past weekend was one of those.

The worst part:
On Monday, T's youngest niece died. No, not the one that lives with us. This little girl was only 7 years old and her entire life was a tragedy. She was profoundly autistic, and had both a seizure disorder and a bleeding disorder among her various medical issues. She has been wearing a helmet for the past year or so to protect her head during the seizures. Horrible story short: subdural hematoma that couldn't be fixed. Poor, poor little thing. The funeral was Saturday.

The rest of it:
The niece that lives with us was away for the weekend ~ a volleyball tournament that her cousin was competing in on the other side of the state. So, we decide that Friday would be date night. Got some takeout, rented some lesbo flicks and went home to canoodle. T decided to watch a tv program that she likes first and I said, sure, I'll check my email while you are doing that. She is reading over my shoulder and demands to know what one particular friend of mine was emailing me about. I reminded her that we had invited this couple over for dinner and we are trying to pick a date. She became irrationally jealous and demanded to see the email. I refused. I've been hooked up with crazy before and nobody runs my life but me. No, you may not read my email. Either you love me, trust me and want to be with me or you don't. It's actually pretty simple.

Eventually the shouting died down. The evening was ruined.

T's best friend came over to watch football with us on Sunday morning. That was pleasant. The Seahawks scraped a win over Chicago, the Saints won but we didn't get to see that game.

Happy to have a job that pays the bills, and somewhere to go 5 days a week.

I need to get my life back.

13 October 2010

I don't get it

I just don't understand why the gender of the person I sleep with is of any interest to anyone. Why does it matter? Seriously, who the hell cares? We are good people, charitable and kind, pay our taxes, don't cause trouble, pick up after our dogs, contribute to our communities... what difference can it possibly make to anyone if we are both women?

08 October 2010

Where is eb?

eb? are you still around? how come your blog won't render in any of my browsers???

hope everything is ok...

07 October 2010

Google Ads

Why does Google ads keep asking me if I am "Still a Girl Hunter"? Damn it, I'm in a committed relationship!