15 December 2011


My dreams have been mostly of loss lately.  Whether the subject be my mother or someone else, or things, or intangibles, the theme has been loss.

Yesterday I had these dreams.

The first one featured my mum.  She and my dad and I were sitting in a living room, the two of them on the couch.  We were all chatting and at one point I realized that, Hey!  Mum is back!  And her brain is working perfectly!  After that, once it became apparent that I was dreaming, the dream ended.  I can’t remember what we were talking about, unfortunately.

In the second dream, I was in some kind of tricky situation where I needed to escape from someone.  I don’t remember that part of the dream.  It was out in the country, in a rural upland.  There were poorly developed roads – maybe dirt, maybe gravel – with trees and shrubs growing right up to the roadway.  I was driving a sedan.  It was summer and I had the window open.  I crested a slight rise and looked out over a wide valley.  What I didn’t realize was that the road turned sharply to the left, but I didn’t.  The car went soaring through the air and nosedived into a lake.  The water was very green.  As the car was flying through the air I saw what was happening and many thoughts flashed through my head about how to survive the situation.  I couldn’t remember if the window should be up or down.  I took a deep breath.

The car hit the water and plummeted like a stone, like a steel coffin.  I freed myself from behind the wheel and struggled my way out of the window.  There were bubbles everywhere.  Green water and bubbles.  I kicked my way to the surface of the water.  As I came up for air, I saw that I was not far from the shore.  I swam a few strokes and found myself standing on an underwater ledge.  I looked back at the car and saw that it was now on the ledge as well.  My thought was, ‘at least it won’t be too hard to get it out of there.’

That’s all I remember.  A strange night's sleep, for sure.

01 December 2011

Some good stuff

Here are some good things that have brightened my days lately.

1) The Kid is moving back to the Pacific Northwest!  Yes, it's true!  Finally!  Zoe's man got a job at that big computer outfit near Seattle and they are headed this way.  I am so effing happy about that.  There are lots of details to work out, of course, but the thought of having her just three hours away is fantastic.

2) T got a job!  A real 40 hour a week job!  True, it's a 6 month temp but they told her at the interview that they want to make it permanent.  Now we just have to set an intention that they find the funding and hire her permanently.  And the best part?  It's doing maintenance at the Zoo!  She started this week and is already thrilled with it.  I told her that if she gets on permanent she'll have to stay for 20 years so that she will have a retirement.  She is so happy!

3) My two best friends are coming for a long weekend, starting tomorrow!  Lisa had been planning on coming for months, she wanted to see my mum one last time but this was the soonest she could get away.  Of course, it's too late for that but she is coming anyway to cheer me up and just hang out.  Then, last week, she told T that she was planning a surprise and bringing my other bestie along for the weekend too!  I'm not supposed to know but T told me because it's hard to hide details like getting out the air mattress and planning for more than one house guest.  I'm sworn to secrecy and I will be the most surprised person ever when KA shows up!  I'm just so happy to have friends who care so much about me.

I'm grateful.  Very, very grateful.  In the midst of my sorrow, here are reasons for gratitude.  Thank you, Universe.  I haven't felt happy for a long while, and here are three outstanding reasons.