21 April 2010

Therapy update

So, the couple’s therapy. Yeah. It’s going pretty well, I think. We like our therapist. She is very gentle with us but doesn’t let us off the hook if we try and avoid stuff. She gave us a book to read (two copies, no squabbling over who gets to read first) that is pretty interesting and has some different ways of looking at arguing. It’s called, After the Honeymoon, by Daniel B Wile…. In case you’re interested.

Last week it was my turn to talk about my past. Oof. Somehow stuff I hadn’t thought about in decades was bubbling up. That makes it a lot harder to keep it shoved down and out of sight! Yes, I know, that’s kind of the point, but still. I get along just fine without dealing with my baggage. Or do I? Argh! I am not accustomed to letting someone rummage around in my head! Fortunately, I am narcissistic enough to partly enjoy talking about myself. Only partly though, because I also prefer to keep most of my feelings and thoughts to myself. All of this revelation is exhausting!

I think that it is already having a positive effect on our communication issues. We are being more considerate of each other ~ most of the time. We haven’t resolved anything, but I think we are just more aware of our words and actions. So, that’s good.

The therapist is on vacation for the next couple of weeks. We’ll see her next the day before I leave to visit my daughter. I’m sure these next two weeks will be lovely!

19 April 2010

April 19

Today is my daughter’s birthday. She is 26! She is a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, lovely person. I miss her every single day.

I don’t get to see her today so instead I am going to have dinner with my parents and we’ll toast her on her special day and bemoan the fact that she doesn’t live closer. I’m going to visit her in early May and I can’t wait.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl! I love you more than all the rain in the Pacific Northwest; more than all the soybeans in Iowa; more than all the fruitcake in California! You are the best thing about my life.

Yr mama

09 April 2010

Alas, poor Timmy

So, last week my girl and I went shopping for a new strap. The old one just didn’t do anything for me ~ didn’t fit right, wasn’t comfortable, just wasn’t working. I really, really like the new one and have been using it enthusiastically!

Now, I have to ask a question. Does anyone else name their dildos? Surely I’m not the only one with that particular quirk. My vibrators have also been named ~ Mr Thumb and The Armadillo. Our current dildos are Timmy, the little, swirly blue one and Jeremiah, the hefty big boy.

Tragically, on Thursday evening, we had an unexpected and alarming occurrence. We were in the groove, going to town, getting close, when I murmured, “Turn over, baby.” I sat up on my knees, started to pull out, and looked down. Holy Shit on Fire! Timmy broke off! In my girl! The only thing holding him on was the condom!

Naturally, I did what a good partner does. Kept my mouth shut, grabbed the broken end and finished the job with my hand doing the work. Then, after the moaning subsided, I confessed. We killed poor little Timmy.

We laughed about that for quite a while. It’s still bringing a smile to my lips. And, another trip to the toy store is planned for this weekend…

Happy Friday!

01 April 2010

Therapist Interviews

We interviewed three therapists yesterday and have one more today. Man, am I exhausted! I’ve never actually chosen a shrink this way before and while I think it’s much better to be able to make an informed decision, it is hard to keep going over your problems with complete strangers.

Each one was different. So far the first one is the one we liked the best. She was quite participatory in her interaction with us. We are not looking for someone to just spill our guts to and then walk away. No, not into the Freudian method of talk, talk, talk. We want someone to help us understand and change some patterns we’ve fallen into that aren’t working. We need concrete suggestions. This woman understood that. She also says that she uses a collaborative method with couples ~ just using the word “collaborative” was a plus in my opinion.

The second one was lousy and we left there feeling quite depressed. She managed to elicit only negative comments from us and we both felt that this was going to lead us in the wrong direction.

The third was ok, but she was really focused on the fact that T didn’t think we needed counseling and kept on pushing her to explore that. Plus, she has some goofy fee structure that lets her charge more for afternoon and evening appointments and less for mornings. I mean, I get that supply and demand are the forces that drive our economy, but it felt too much like a slick gym membership.

So, we’ve got one more to interview today. She’ll have to be pretty awesome to beat out therapist number one.

In between our appointments two and three yesterday we were going to stop at our favorite used house parts store and look for a window for the upstairs bathroom. On the way over there I said, “Hey, let’s stop in at that new sex toy shop! I would really like a new strap!” Well, really, our relationship can’t be that bad if we are shopping for sex toys in between shopping for therapists. Right? Yes, I did get a new one and some fancy lube, and a little bullet vibrator. Too worn out to try them last night, but I’m hopeful for this afternoon/evening…. TMI? :-)