So,
long time no posting, yeah? Sorry about
that. As you know, I have been in a
funk. And, to add to it, I have been
plagued by PTSD triggers as well lately.
I’m back to a weekly schedule with my therapist, and we are digging down
into some subterranean layers. Ugh. It’s not pretty. But, I’m hopeful that with more time and
examination things will settle down.
I’m
actively working on being compassionate to my younger self. Instead of beating her up about things she
did or didn’t do, I’m realizing that she did her best. (No, I don’t usually refer to myself in the
third person!) My mother used to say, “God
gave me this puny body and I do the best I can with what I got.” It’s a quote from something, but I don’t know
what. And, I did do the best I could at
the time. And I’m trying to not give more weight to what I didn’t do, or what I see now as what I should have done, but instead to realize
that I did my best. Does that make
sense? Hindsight, you know, can tie you
up in knots.
So,
that’s where I am right now. It’s not
exactly a happy place. But, in the end
it may lead to greater happiness, thus my willingness to go there. But still, yuck.
Besides
that, what else is going on?
Pride! Portland Pride was last weekend. We went to a variety of fun events and had a
good time overall. I will say that my gf
spent the majority of the parade in the bar with her friends while I was out in
the sunshine watching the extravaganza.
I didn’t care. I got to feel
slightly superior in that they seemed like a bunch of drunks while I felt
pretty darned virtuous, but I shouldn’t really mention that because it makes me
sound like a stuck up prude or something.
I scored big on parade swag, though!
Go me!
Work
trudges on, seemingly endlessly. This is
the big academic and fiscal year turnover right now so we are busy as all get
out. We are also short-handed. We had hired a gal in February who most
definitely did not work out and we let her go in April. Still waiting to get permission to fill that
position. That means that the rest of us
are working extra hard. And, boy oh boy,
did I ever screw up. We have half a
dozen incoming fellows who I got credentialed and enrolled but forgot to hire! Holy crap!
I’m scrambling now. Might just
pull off a Hail Mary on this one, but we’ll see. Plus one of them is coming a week earlier – a
fact that the program director didn’t tell me about. Sigh.
My
brother and his family arrived last night for their yearly visit. I’m always glad to see them, but I wish they
weren’t here during my busiest week!
Still, I get to hang out with my sister-in-law and she is all kinds of
awesome. Unfortunately, the Kid is not
coming down for the weekend. She and her
man have a house guest at the same time.
Argh!
In
three weeks we are going camping with our favorite neighbors. It’s trailer camping, people, don’t get too
excited. They have a fancy, newish
trailer and we have our darling little vin tage trailer. We’re going to a spot on the Clackamas
River. It’s close to Portland but out in
the woods. The neighbors are bringing
their folding boat. I don’t know anything
else about that but … folding boat … sounds intriguing. I’ll let you know!
We
plan on doing some fishing while we are there.
The Clackamas is well stocked and has native salmon and trout as
well. OH! We bought a smoker! For, you know, smoked fish. We’ve used it a few times and it is
fan-freaking-tastic! I can’t wait to catch
some of the slippery little buggers and take them home for smoking. Yum.
My big plan is to drive out to the coast when the season is on, and buy
a whole tuna when the charter boats come in.
Have you ever had smoked tuna?
So.Damned.Good. SO GOOD! Better even than smoked salmon, and I am a
salmon lover. Try it! Just sayin’.
Been
riding my bike when the weather permits.
We’ll have a solid week of tolerable weather and everyone gets all
excited and then the clouds and the rain come back. I’m not really complaining, just
commenting. I do love to ride my bike,
though, and it is so much faster than taking the bus. I won’t knock the bus too badly – I get some
great reading time when I’m on the bus and that makes up for the loss of the
bike ride.
Looking forward to canning season. I've just about finished up or given away all of last summer's jam. I have to say - I'm good at jam. And, I get so much pleasure out of it. I love making jam and I love eating jam. I also love sharing jam. I'm the kind of person who, if you tell me that you love my jam, you will never run out. I always make way too much, at least, too much for one household, but that just means that I get to share a lot. And that makes me happy.
There’s
probably loads more I could jot down, but I’m at work and I think you know how
busy it is round here. I’d better get
back to it. Have a lovely weekend,
all. Happy Pride!
e
