Back and Resting

I know, it should be 'back and ready' but I'm not quite there yet!  I've been back for a week but let me tell you, the first few days I could do little more than get out of bed and drink coffee.  I'm recovering, though, and will soon resume being my productive self.  Ugh.

So, mission accomplished down in Cali.  The room is restored to functionality.  The closet is usable, there is nothing under the bed, the four (yes, 4) dressers contain just a few needful things.  It's now possible to sit in the rocking chair - and rock, if so desired! 

There is still a bunch of stuff to be gone through, but that is the task of the adult children.  So, in other words, nothing will happen.  Stasis.  Still, it's a functional stasis, so there's that. 

I made some interesting discoveries while sorting through stuff.

First, I will say that I have known this family since childhood.  I've been friends with the daughter and son for nearly 50 years.  Friends with the mom, too.  The dad was usually away as he was a marine engineer and worked at sea.

So, when I cleaned out the back room I felt a keen regret for the life the mom wanted to have.  It seemed to me that she would have been happy being a ranch wife rather than a rancher.  She loved crafts.  She was an expert seamstress, she knitted, crocheted, made stuff out of wood, plastic, found materials, etc (I found more than one box full of pine cones, for example).  For a while she had a craft business - I found plenty of her old records of purchases and sales.  Of course, she made no money doing that.  But, I think she enjoyed it.

I formed that opinion based on the evidence in the back room.  When I got to the bedroom, I had other evidence to consider.

The woman threw nothing away.  Every letter, every card, every receipt, you name it, it was squirreled away in her bedroom.  Most of it was very pedestrian and ordinary.  I kept the letters the kids had written to her, and the letters the dad had written from sea.  I think the kids might like to look through those at some point, but maybe not.  That's up to them.

I found some other letters too.  I found a series of anonymous letters accusing the mom of breaking up someone's marriage.  It was a bit of a shocker!  It was virulent and threatening.  The letters were full of things like: We know where you were last night; we're watching you; you won't get away with this; etc.  I have to say that I didn't expect something like that but when I put it together with some other info, I had a more... nuanced understanding of the mom. 

I wasn't sure what to do with those letters.  The rancher and her mom already have a rather strained relationship and I certainly don't want to add to it.  But, I didn't think it was up to me to dispose of them.  So, I put them together and tucked them under some stuff in one of the dresser drawers.  It'll be quite a while before anyone looks in there and I can probably retrieve them unread if I change my mind.  It's all water under the bridge at this point and I'm not sure what it would serve to bring them to light.  I just don't know which way to go on that one.

Oh, how I wish my mom was alive!  I really wanted to ask her about their mom and what she knew back in the day.  I'm sure she could have provided some context.  Maybe I'll ask my mom's best friend.  Janet might know, but I don't think she spent any time with the woman back then.  Still, we grew up in a small town and everyone usually knows everyone else's business in a small town.

But, why?  What the hell difference does it make at this point?  None whatsoever.  Just curiosity, I guess.  It doesn't change the way I feel about the old gal, or change how I interact with her.  I guess I see her with more layers now, not just the surface that she presents to the world.  Although, given that she is in the depths of dementia, there is not even much of a surface layer any more. 

What do you think, wise women?  Should I consign the letters to the fire?