01 March 2010

Issues

Lately, my girlfriend and I have been communicating poorly. I don’t know why, but we have been getting our backs up at every little thing and getting our noses out of joint and our feelings hurt. We are taking offense at things that aren’t meant badly and are arguing way too much. I don’t like it!

Like every couple, we have our issues. They just happen to be flaring up and threatening to burn us to a scorched cinder. My biggest issue with her is her jealousy. Her biggest issue with me is (probably) my wanting to spend time with other people. Of course, I’m guessing about that because she hasn’t outright said that it’s her biggest issue. T is one of joined at the hip types. I am not. That’s an issue.

This weekend I suggested that we make an appointment with a therapist to get at this whole arguing, sniping, shitty attitude thing. She was shocked that I thought it was “bad enough.” Well, I’d rather deal with it now than let it get bigger and uglier. That road has one outlet ~ the breakup.

Of course, as soon as I said we needed to work on it, she jumped to the conclusion that I’ve met someone else. Gah! So frustrating! NO! I haven’t met anyone, I’m not looking to meet anyone, I want to be with her ~ it just shouldn’t be this hard.

So, this week I will be looking for a couples counselor, preferably a lesbian, and making an appointment. Sigh.

8 comments:

eb said...

Good luck. I hope she realizes going to therapy is a way of fighting for your relationship.

8thdayplanner said...

This sounds oh so familiar to me. Our relationship was to the point that I finally said that if we didn't go to counseling, I would leave.

But the good news is that the counselor did teach us some healthier ways to communicate and that seemed to do the trick. We still fall into unhealthy patterns but we are quicker to recognize them now.

If the relationship is worth keeping, it is worth working for.

Many hugs and good wishes being sent your way.

greg said...

You are doing the right thing, e. You see this heading down an ugly road and you want to prevent it from reaching that point. Very wise. I wish she wasn't so jealous, that must be awful for you.

I'm wishing you the best.

e said...

Thanks, youse guys. I feel like it's worth the effort. In the past decade or so if things got difficult or even awkward, I would just walk away.

I'm also hoping that this will open a door for her to deal with her jealousy and insecurities, separately from our communication issues. I absolutely will not put up with that on an on-going basis.

Jen said...

Good for you, best to stomp out that fire when its small.

You shouldn't have any problem finding a big gay counselor in PDX!

e said...

Jen ~ Ha! I know! In fact one of my best friends is a big gay therapist. I asked her to find someone for us.

Murray said...

It sounds very frustrating, particularly since T does not seem to recognize how bad the situation feels to you. Maybe she will consider going to a therapist just so she can understand your point of view better. Good luck.

Darlene said...

Good for you! At least you guys are going. Be sure and let us know what they suggest. Being one of those 'joined at the hips' types I'm curious abt what they say. Of course in my defense, I will say if you work seperately every day I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to spend time with us on your day off. lol