I am fortunate enough to have an employer that allows me to have my partner covered on my health insurance. There. That’s a positive start!
So, T had an appointment on Friday to see the family practice doctor. She mainly went in because she has chronic back pain and it has been bothering her lately. But, while I was making the appointment for her they suggested an annual exam and yes, it had been awhile, so we threw that fun time in too.
Now, before I ramble on about the appointment, I have to say that the night before we got into a huge argument. I left in a stony silence in the morning. About a half hour before the appointment I called her at home to ask where I should meet her. I generally go with her to her appointments because she is a big baby when it comes to anything medical, and really, it’s better to have your advocate at your side asking the questions anyway. So, we tersely decided to meet in the lobby.
I got there ahead of her and we rode up to the 9th floor, again in silence. Checked in at the desk and prepared for the customary long wait. They actually called her back one minute ahead of schedule.
We both went in the exam room. Sometimes the provider is disconcerted by that, other times not. So, they went over the history and physical, wrote down all of the notes, etc. We had a little fun with the questions about safe sex… gotta get a laugh when you can in those situations.
So, I had asked T beforehand if I could look while she got the Pap smear. Cuz, you know, I’ve seen the outside as thoroughly as possible, I was curious about what the inside of her pussy looked like. Who wouldn’t be?! She rolled her eyes and said ok. Might have called me a perv, but whatever.
So, the doctor gets out the speculum and I step behind her to take a peek. She used an average sized speculum which was too big for T. She was clearly in pain. I had to give up my vantage point to go hold her hand. The doc switched to a smaller speculum and tried again. I popped back around to get my once in a lifetime view.
I just barely got a glimpse when the doctor pulled out the speculum, jumped up, and said, “I’ll be right back. There is an unusual lesion there and I want to ask one of my colleagues about it.” She pretty much bolted out of there.
OK, I don’t know about you but when the doctor is scared, the patient is scared. We were left in the exam room staring at each other thinking all the worst possible diagnoses. Lesion? Unusual?
After a couple of minutes the doctor came back in and (somewhat feebly) reassured us that it was probably fine but that she would put in an order for T to be seen in the ObGyn clinic. But first, she wanted us to go downstairs for an ultrasound.
We go for the ultrasound, and since that’s part of my department, we get in right away. We have about 15 sonographers in the department and all but two are women. Naturally we got the one dude who was on duty that week. He’s cool though, and about as low testosterone and nonthreatening as a hetero guy can be. So, he’s scanning her lower abdomen and not getting a very good view. He tells her he is going to have to do the transvaginal view as well. That probe is a lot smaller than a dildo, thank god! She’s already traumatized.
He found a vascular polyp that originates in her uterus and grew down and out of her cervix. The pictures are pretty weird looking. When he turned on the Doppler, we could see that there is a lot of blood flow to the damned thing. There was actually one view where it looked like it had a face. Creepy!
One of my radiologists told me not to worry, that it will not be a big ordeal to get it removed. Still, it was a nerve wracking couple of hours, let me tell you. She has a follow up appointment on Thursday with the gynecologist.
As I walked her to the car in the parking garage, I said, “You’re going all out to make sure I’m not mad at you anymore.” She said, “Did it work?”