10 December 2010

A Holiday of Sorts

My daughter came for a visit last weekend.  Being the lowest on the seniority list, she couldn’t get either of the official holidays off, so we celebrated last weekend instead.  It was fantastic to see her.  It definitely wasn’t enough time, since she was only here Friday through Monday, but I’ll take what I can get.

She and I spent most of Friday running around shopping and getting stuff together for our little family holiday.  I don’t know what to call it ~ it wasn’t Thanksgiving, and it wasn’t Christmas or Hanukah (or Kwanzaa, for that matter).  It was too early for the Solstice.  I’ll have to settle on Zoe-mas. 

On Saturday we had dinner at my parent’s house.  My mentally ill brother was there, which is very rare.  He came over because, like the rest of us, he loves and misses the Kid.  She is such a ray of sunshine that even the depressed feel cheery.  We opened up gifts and had pie and it felt very festive. 

Sunday we did a few things that she wanted to do in Portland, like a visit to Powell’s (surely one of the best bookstores of all time).  We walked the dogs, and petted the cats, we played a few games with the teenager, and basically just enjoyed each other’s company.  Went back over to the grandparent’s house to hang out with them again. 

Then on Monday, she was gone. 

Not surprisingly, I’ve been depressed all week.  T thinks that if she can be relentlessly cheerful around me I’ll ‘snap out of it.’  She doesn’t understand but I know that she is motivated by compassion.  I told her (fairly gently) that it would be better to just leave me alone to wallow in it for a couple of days and I’ll recover.  She likes to solve things though, so that’s hard for her. 

We’ve got a busy weekend coming up.  On Saturday I’m subbing for a friend who is out of town, then another friend is having her 40th birthday party.  We’re getting our tree on Sunday.  I guess we are still getting ready for Christmas, although the part that matters to me is over.  Oh, I’ll suck it up and act appropriately, but I confess to feeling indifferent to the rest of the holiday season.

It doesn’t help my mood that it has been dark and rainy since the Kid left.  We had some lovely crisp, sunny days while she was here, but it’s been raining hard ever since.  Just the weather for a bout of depression.

Sorry to be so gloomy, but my usual Pollyanna nature is hiding under the covers and refuses to come out.


thEbalzie said...

There are lots of ways to do Christmas. December 25th is a concept, not an exact date. I'm glad you were able to spend Christmas with your daughter.

KMae said...

Maybe an anti depressant is in order... for now...
I finally started one & feel so much better.
Sorry your visit had to be hit & run, but it's great she does have 'her own life" now!
Hang in there.

8thdayplanner said...

I don't get to do Christmas with my mom until well into January. But I like the idea that our celebrations with family and friends last almost a month.

Still, I feel your pain having now experienced a missing daughter. It's hard. Nothing wrong with staying under a covers. For a little while anyway.

the only daughter said...

I know what I'm in for when my son and daughter eventually leave the state and am working hard not to dwell on that probable future and the ramifications thereof.

You made the most of the time you had it it was grand.

I encountered a quote recently, "Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened."


Maria said...

I heard you have had some mud slides around there...

And a good friend of mine is going to see Lee DeWyze perform tonight. You should go! Seriously, once you get past the American Idol shit..he is one great singer.

Anonymous said...

What you're feeling is completely normal. I'm so glad you got to spend such a lovely visit with her but I understand how it can rip your heart to shreds to see her leave. Be sad for as long as you need to be.