Partly, I think, it was the way I was raised. My parents didn’t fight much and never in front of us kids. They may have been tense around us occasionally, but there was never shouting, or even bickering for that matter.
And, then I was married to a crazy man for several years and learned more than I ever should have about fighting. And running.
So, to me, when there is shouting and slamming of doors and attitude and petulance and throwing things and bad behavior; to me, it signals the end. It means that we are on that one way path to goodbye.
Mind you, this was between T and the teenager. I can’t blame it all on the teenager, either. But, it’s her family and she is surely used to the way they are by now. I’m the innocent bystander in this latest round of family drama.
I’m tired of it. I’m tired of their family histrionics. I’m tired of it affecting my life.
I’m being supportive of my partner, and attempting to help her get this kid through her freshman year of high school. And, when the kid misbehaves and drama ensues, I am being supportive of my partner by explaining things like consequences. Behavior X results in Consequence X. A parent must be consistent and reasonable in addressing behavior. Tell her what the consequence of her behavior is and then stick to it. Once the kid has chosen to behave badly there is no room for negotiation.
T is just at the beginning of this rough voyage through parental waters. I hope her ship doesn’t capsize. I hope I don’t throw them both overboard. I have been tempted.
6 comments:
You said it, it is the beginning. The rough waters will smooth.
Sending good, positive vibes.
It must be very difficult to start parenting a teenager when you haven't had all the practice and experience that the early years bring. And you're dealing with 15 years of other people's history and rules on her.
I do hope you're getting some alone, calming time to yourself. Sending many thoughts of comfort and joy to you.
I hope it all works out and things calm down for you, but this is such a difficult situation. The shouting and slamming of doors would drive me crazy, too.
Sticking to the consequences is probably the most difficult thing for any parent, let alone a new parent of an instant teenager.
Good luck!
I give you kudos for living with a mother & her teenage child. Good luck!
It's a difficult situation, to be sure. I'm happy to say that most of the time the teenager is pretty easy to get along with. She sure can flip out though!
Overall, I'd say that T is doing a good job. Yes, it is hard to jump in with a damaged 15 year old and infinitely harder if you've never been a parent.
It's also hard to remember in the heat of the moment that you are doing a good thing. Mostly, we just want our calm and quiet life back.
Thanks for all of your sympathy, energy, thoughts and vibes! We need them!
When all else fails, try ear plugs and hot tea. Hopefully, the drama doesn't last long.
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