01 September 2011


Here's the strange thing: my mom is holding on.  I don't know how or why or what is helping her, but after a couple of days that were absolutely dire, she has rallied.  She is out of bed, walking with help, drinking tea, and combing her hair.  We thought that the end of this week would probably be her last, but she has surprised us all.

But... and it's a big but ... there is a booklet that the hospice folks gave us that outlines the final days.  In it, there is talk of a period where the dying person has a rebound and seems almost like their old self.  I wonder if that is where we are now.  

Another strange thing is that during that bed-ridden, excruciating couple of days, mom was very lucid.  She answered questions directly, she had things to tell each of us, she let us know when the pain was unmanageable.  Now, she has slipped back into the random, unconnected (in our minds) monologues, and is disassociated with reality.  I don't know what to make of that.

One thing that I believe helped her was the knowledge that Zoe was coming.  I called Zoe a day or so after the nurse said it would be the end and asked her if she could come for one last visit.  She made plane reservations right away.

I have been at the parents' house for the last ... what, 3 or 4 days/nights?... I'm not sure, at this point.  But, last night I felt as if I could sleep in my own bed with no worries about the night or the morning.  My dad promised he would call if they needed help.

I'm on my way back over there to sit with mom while dad has his nap.  After that, I'm actually going to go to work for a few hours, while Zoe takes a turn hanging with her Grammy.

Zoe can only stay until Sunday.  I don't know what to expect once she leaves.  Oh well, there's just no way of knowing except to live through it.


eb said...

I suppose it's the survival instinct, yes? The body is resilient and doesn't really want to die even though that's the inevitability. So nice your daughter is on her way to see her grandmother for, probably, the last time. She'll be glad she did that.

Keeping you in my thoughts. xo

Anonymous said...

It will be so good for you (and for your mother) to have Zoe around - I am really happy to hear she's coming.

Sleeping in your own bed and even working a few hours today is the best thing you can do for yourself whenever it's possible. It kind of gives you a bit of normalcy in a time when you're in this unknown world. Much peace to you this weekend.

the only daughter said...

A friend has been losing her dad in an up and down fashion for the entire year(+) I've known her.

I know through her how wrenching the process has been.

One of life's mysteries.

Like eb, keeping you and yours in my thoughts.

weese said...

we went through this a couple times.
its so hard to tell.
i remember reading the hospice books too trying to figure out if we were fitting into 'stages'.

Grumpy Granny said...

So glad your daughter can come. It will be what all of you need. Afterwards will take care of itself.

Continued hugs, energy, thoughts of peace for all of you.