23 August 2016

The new arrangement

So, how’s the new arrangement going, you ask?  Overall, pretty well.  T is settling in at her new place, although she has loads of stuff here at my house.  I don’t really care about that – at least not right now.  Her condo has tons of storage (rare, I know!) so she will be finding spots for most things as we go along.

Most of the time, I think she likes being back in Vancouver.  Her family are all there, and she is just minutes away from them all.  Sometimes that’s a good thing and sometimes it’s an annoyance, but overall it’s good.  They love having her back!  Also, her new job is just minutes from her home and she loves that.  She goes home for lunch and walks the dog, so that’s a very good thing.

Round here, things are beginning to settle down.  We’ve had a very busy August, what with T moving and then a family wedding and all sorts of other busy-ness going on.  I’m looking forward to things settling down and cooling down as we move closer to fall.  I need to get into a new routine and get the feel of it.  Right now I feel pulled in too many directions.

But, when I’m at home, alone, my contentment is up and my anxiety is down.  You know, as long as I had plenty of reading material, I could easily be a hermit.  I have very little need for socializing, and usually find myself to be the best company.  I don’t mean that in a ‘I hate people’ kind of way, just that it is so restful and calm, so restorative and serene, when I am by myself.

One thing that has surprised me is that I really miss the little dog!  T took the grouchiest of the cats and the dog with her to her new place.  I wanted her to take another cat, but she can only have two pets.  I don’t miss the cat much at all, but the dog… yes.  I haven’t been without a dog for many years.  It feels decidedly odd.  Plus, last month when she was staying with her sister during the week, I was in the habit of taking him for a brisk 20 minute walk every morning, and a more leisurely one in the afternoons.  It was good for both of us.  Now, T has to take him out every time he needs to pee, but I don’t think she is walking him for exercise.  Oh well.  He is happier with her, no matter what.  He misses being here, though!  Of course, she brings him over whenever she comes, but it’s not the same for him.  He has no dog door or his own backyard…  I’ll have to think about getting a dog of my own, but I’m in no hurry just yet.

We’ve had conversations with friends about our living separately but still being together.  Some people get it, others don’t.  One of her friends is sure that this is just step one to a break up.  Another friend is quite jealous of the arrangement, but her partner said ‘don’t even think about it!’  That made me laugh! It is a little out of the ordinary, but it works better for both of us right now.

So, really, there’s not a lot to report.  Everything is settling down and we are looking to establish our new normal.  How are things going in your world?


Middle Girl said...

I am glad to read things are settling for both of you. Unconventiona? yes. Unprecedented? No. As the rhythms of the days become more routine it shall be awesome. I am sure.

em * illustr8d said...

I've known couples who lived across the country from each other & just got together on weekends. Things that work for one couple might not for another. It's what makes the world go round.

I want a dog myself, but I am postponing it as things still feel up in the air. (Landlord problems.) Must be harder with a dog that is already loved & in your life.

You sound content & that makes me happy.

8thday said...

If I had to choose which to live with - my partner or my dog - I'd choose my dog.

Kidding (sort of) I am happy that things seem to be working out the way you want. You two have had a lot to deal with in the last couple of years so some calm, peaceful times is long overdue. I'm sure you will savor it.

Tree C said...

Bravo to finding a way to be relational AND practice self-care, self-nurture, be your best self.

Imagine a world where we could all do that? For some, it might be living as you and your partner are doing it. For others, many in one space.

But that we could choose... that the whole idea of wholeness of self and relationship was VALUED... that would make for a very different world.

I think it's important to remember that relationality (versus "rationality" haha) includes the self.

There are many folks who are not great partners or family members or co-workers or whathaveyou - and I think in great part this is due to the fact they aren't good friends to themselves. If you can't tune in to your needs and be responsible for and to them... how the heck can you be a good and skillful friend to others?

It's so much easier to relate to folks who take care of themselves. As we extricate ourselves from dysfunctionality, I think it can be scary... it can feel weird, new, different, unsafe, etc. Wow - this person doesn't cling to me! Wow - this person isn't hanging on me! Wow - this person isn't dependent on me! But as we hang in there with the process - we find it's a path to deeper intimacy and easier relating.

At least... I think so, lol. ;-)

When we are able to meet our own needs, we can then relate to others out of choice. That frees us up in all kinds of good ways.

Of course, I guess I'm thinking and talking about emotional needs here. There are also material needs. Not everyone can afford to live alone. So the whole idea of how to manage space... it gets complicated.

But main thing is... being a friend to oneself. Yes. Key. Relationality, relating, relationships... first one is with self - and the Divine. Then others.

Look forward to hearing about your new routines! And maybe a new dog! Or a new old dog! ;-) I'm thinking rescue!


e said...

Thanks for the positive feedback! Still holding a steady course...

Ok, since three out of four of you mention dogs (and I know Middle Girl feels just as strongly), I will say that if I get a dog, it will be a shelter dog. It will also be a mature dog. I'm not really interested in the puppy phase right now. A mature mutt who gets along with cats, likes to go for walks but is not a bounding bundle of energy, friendly but protective, you know... the perfect shelter dog. :-)

First, though, I have to establish my new routines (which will change in 10 months!), and I have to figure out if I have the time to devote to a dog. All the creatures in the house want face time and adding one more into the mix might not be fair. But, I'll have more time next year and that may be the best solution. [I will confess that I have been looking at the shelter websites in my area...lol]

Thanks for your comments!

Middle Girl said...

That I do. I hear you on the face time.

When you're ready there is a Benji out there willing and able to be your loving companion.

Pictures will be much appreciated. :-)

Debra She Who Seeks said...

You are a true introvert! And so am I. It takes one to know one, LOL!