I wrote a long blog post about our trip to the beach and posted it on my family blog. I thought about cross posting it here but the things I didn’t say in my family blog are the things I want to write about here. The family blog post boils down to this: we went to the beach, saw some stuff, ate some stuff, walked the dogs, had fun, went home.
What I didn’t write about is sex.
Sometimes I think the world should be divided into those who like sex and want it and those who don’t and don’t. Unfortunately, T and I are in opposing camps on this one.
I like sex. I would like to have more than I am currently getting. I think once a week would be great, or even once every two weeks. I think that once a month is not nearly enough and anything longer than that is way too long.
My girlfriend seems to be less and less interested. When we got together she was ardent enough and we had lots of good sex. Fake out! Her interest and willingness have been steadily declining. When we talk about it and I ask why she says, it’s too much work, she’s too tired, she’s rarely in the mood, etc.
For awhile it was a big bone of contention. She felt like I was pressuring her, I felt like she was holding out on me. So, I said that I wouldn’t ask or start anything but that didn’t mean that I didn’t want to. After about a month she asked me why I didn’t find her attractive anymore. WTF?!?!?!! Good lord, woman! You didn’t want me to pressure you! I’m not bringing it up because you don’t want it! ARGH!!!
We sorted that out. We are settling into what I can only describe as middle-aged complacency. It’s not enough for me but compared to the many years that I lived alone and wasn’t dating, it’s tolerable.
So, last weekend we were going to the beach. About a month before we went I said something about getting frisky at the beach. Then a week before I mentioned the frisky factor again. A couple of days before we were sitting on the couch and I curled up next to T and said, ‘How about a little sumpin, sumpin at the beach, baby?’ She laughed and said that sounded good. So, here I am, laying the ground work, making the reminder calls, maybe (hopefully) not being overbearing but letting her know that I desire her and find her attractive and sexy.
And, what’s missing from the beach trip? Sex. Ok, Friday night, no worries. It’s been a long week and we’re both tired. Saturday night? Perfect time, right? Well, there we are in bed, I’m rubbing up against her and she’s watching Happy Feet on tv. We kissed for a few minutes and then fell asleep. Sunday morning (morning is not my favorite time but I’ll take what I can get) she reaches over, starts playing around down there and then gets up and takes a shower.
That’s where the petulant part comes in. I could have behaved better. I could have just let it go and figured, eh, next time. But, no, not me. I was sullen. I was silent. I was petulant. I was badly disappointed! I had been looking forward to it for weeks. I tried for civility but it was a quiet and subdued civility.
On the Long Beach, Washington peninsula there is a place called Cape Disappointment. We stopped and looked at the lighthouse there. My camera batteries were dead but I said, oh we need a picture of Cape Disappointment! All I got was a look.
When we got home she said, you’re not getting enough sugar, are you baby? I said, no, you know I’m not.
The good news is that she broke down finally on Sunday night and we had a nice roll in the hay.
I’m not sure if this is something I am blowing out of proportion; if it is simply a matter of different levels of sexual desire. I am not willing to be one of the statistics for Lesbian Bed Death. I like sex. I think it’s normal and healthy to have sex. I start to get worried and my self esteem drops if we don’t have sex. Because, of course, she doesn’t find me attractive anymore… because I’m too short, and chunky, and not girly enough, and not a good enough lover. You know, like that.
At one point, some months ago, T said that if I wasn’t getting enough sex I could go outside the relationship. Ok, she didn’t actually mean it. And, I can’t imagine doing that. The emotional bonds are too strong and I’m just not the play the field type. One woman at a time is enough for me. She withdrew the offer not long after she made it. Occasionally I’ll mention it, just to get a reaction from her.
Another factor is menopause. I’m done (YAY!) and T is in that unsettling totally random phase where you just can’t predict when you will have a period or how heavy/light it will be, or how long it will last, or any of that. And, I know that women’s bodies change a lot during “The Change.” But, shouldn’t the relative increase in testosterone make us more horny? I can guarantee that she isn’t drying up, so that’s not a factor (plus, hello, lube!).
From what I know of her young adult days, she was quite into sex back then. I feel a little cheated, honestly. I thought she had a healthy libido, cuz she sure gave me that impression when we first started going out. It’s been slowing down ever since.
There might not be anything I can do about it. I don’t like being a petulant brat but I also don’t like being left hanging like that. I know I can get myself off, but it’s just not the same. Plus, I really desire this woman. For someone who is about to turn 50 she has the most amazing breasts! Beautiful! And sometimes, when we’re driving I’ll look over at her long legs and just be filled with lust! And she is beautiful and has the most amazing cheekbones! She is physically very attractive to me and I would like to fuck her every day. Maybe not every day, but every other day…