02 November 2011

What's next

I really should take a shower.  My hair is sticking up like fried bread.  I went to the store like that yesterday because I just don't care.  Of course, it's worse today.

I really should drag my ass to work.  At least for a few hours.  I don't want to be around anyone though.  Maybe I'll go in the afternoon when most people are gone.  Actually, that's a pretty good idea because it will also get me away from the people in my household.

Sigh.  That sounds so grudging and hostile.  T is being great, of course, very solicitous, very caring.  But she is emotionally needy as well.  And is frustrated because she wants to hear all the details and I just don't want to review them.  I mean, I told her plenty about the end already but she just wants more than I feel capable of giving.  She keeps suggesting that I should 'talk about it'... like a '70's after-school special or something.  It's just not my way.

So, if I'm going to try the office today, I'd better not drink quite so much...  that'll be my goal.


Anonymous said...

I think you should give yourself permission to do whatever you feel (or don't feel) like doing right now. There are no rules for grief. Take care of you - everyone else can take a back seat. You are allowed to react to this pain.

Also, dirty hair is a style these days - feel free to sport it for as long as you like.

John Gray said...

thank you for your kind comment
hreetings from wales

elf said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
elf said...

When my mother died, I likened my response to a wounded animal - I just wanted to be alone and sink within myself - alone to figure out how to deal with the enormity of her absence from my life.

I blame Oprah for the idea that 'talking it out' heals all wounds. It doesn't. You need to do what's right for you.

I think taking a shower would be so much more therapeutic than talking it out. But that's just me.

the only daughter said...

I can't even imagine . . .
but I don't think talking it out . . . well, that just isn't me.

Take your time.

weese said...

i would definetly go with the shower as the next step.
i wouldn't plan past that yet.
shower...just go shower :)

8thdayplanner said...

I would love to give you great advice on how to grieve but I suck at it. I tend to agree with all the other comments here. A shower and a cup of tea seem like great first steps. And then probably some rest. Lots and lots of rest.

Of course, IF you feel like talking, I'm always here . . .

e said...

Thank you, all, for great advice. I know that there is no timeline for this sort of loss, but societal pressures do mount up.

I did shower. Yay for me! I have not yet made it to work. I'll get there. Eventually.

Greg: this hair wasn't stylish, by any stretch of the imagination!
John Gray: I love your blog.
elf: sinking into myself ~ that's a good description.
t.o.d: agreed. thank you.
weese: done :-)
8: tea, yes, good...